Tonight, as I sit here and write, I just hope the words spill out of my mouth.
There are so many things I want to say and so many things I'm feeling.
So here we go, bear with me.
It was a year ago today, that I said goodbye to my best friend, my sweetest supporter, the only person that put up with all of me.
the pepperoni to my pizza,
the peanut butter to my chocolate,
the chips to my salsa,
the friend to my ship,
the only person I'd ever loved.
{You are so welcome for throwing those in there}
The whole last day can be found right here.
I remember that day more vividly then any other day in my life probably.
I remember those last few days so vividly.
But it's because I was trying to, I had to remember it all.
That last day, a year ago today, was rough.
I basically woke up crying.
I just turned into such a sensitive sally when he decided to go!
{Remind me to apologize to him for that when we see each other again.}
We did lots of things together that day,
mostly we just got the last minute things done for him.
There were 3 moments that day that just put me over the edge.
1. When he played me the CD he made for me. The songs on it were perfect. Until that moment, I had been the one that made him CD's. I made him one every year for Valentines Day. When he gave me his, I just bawled through all the songs that immediately remind me of him. And I was pretty aware that it was going to be our last moments for just us to hang out.
2. When he made the effort to say goodbye to my family. I don't know what it was. Maybe because he didn't know my family as well as I knew his. However, he still made the effort even when he was late for his dinner and everything. That moment was my favorite of the day but definitely the hardest. He was so sweet to my brothers. It was also the first time he and my dad had a conversation.
3. After he and I said our very fast goodbyes downstairs before his setting apart, I walked up the stairs while he stayed downstairs to change. I came around the corner and there was Joni, standing there, waiting to give me a big hug. It was such a sweet thing for her to do! I will never forget that.
Obviously there were so many other things that day that I will never forget or that really made me emotional. Like the words his oldest brother said to him before he got set apart, when he finally broke down for a split second, and the actual goodbye.
The only things I remember him saying were,
"Stay strong, it's only two years, I love you."
Boy were we naive then or what.
I went back and read my journal and blogs from those first few days, and was shocked at how miserable and selfish I was being.
"I honestly thought about asking him for him to come home. Two years was too long and I couldn't do it."
"I was devastated and heart broken for the first time in my life."
" Sometimes it doesn't seem so bad but other times it feels like the end of the world."
These were serious you guys. It was pretty pathetic.
Then I went and read the first letter I ever received from him.
"Today I have just been so happy, I already have this love for everyone here. (Not the sisters...don't worry)"
"The MTC is good so far, I am still nervous but I am having a good time so don't worry about me."
I am overwhelmed with joy and happiness as I think about how far we have come in the last year.
 |
| A year worth of letters? My favorite. |
I have since:
moved into a whole new house with my family
Moved to Logan and completed my Sophomore year of college
Decided to serve my own mission
Been called to serve in Federal Way, Washington
Received my own endowments in the temple
Prepared to enter the MTC in a matter of 35 days
He has:
Survived the MTC
Moved to Washington
Served in 4 areas
Had 6 {maybe 7} different companions
Served as a trainer for 11 weeks
Baptized new members of this church
Faithfully served his Lord for 365 days
We have
learned to live without each other,
collected countless numbers of letters and emails,
grown closer to each other even though we are farther apart
become more open with each other about our testimonies
been called to serve missions in the same state
realized we will 2 hours apart from each other for a year and never see each other
This year has been so eye-opening, so overwhelming, so daunting, and sometimes so hard.
But it has almost been my favorite year so far.
I have grown to know him so much better, I've gotten to know the softer side of him, the side of him that loves to serve, that loves his Savior, that side of him that cares for people that others may push aside, the side of him that I hadn't really ever seen before.
This year has been amazing. I can't believe I haven't been in that boys presence for a year now. A year ago I was bawling on the couch watching Baby Mama, eating skittles and a slurpee right at this point actually.
{Remind me never to tell him how hard I cried that night}
I have gotten used to him being gone, it isn't so hard anymore. I know he is where he needs to be and even though that isn't with me, I'm happy with it.
I love that boy even after a year. That was one of those things I worried about. That I would forget, or I'd find someone else, or we would just grow apart. But that hasn't happened to us.
Yes, I dated other people and got really close with some very nice boys, it just wasn't the same and it changed nothing for Mike and I. I am so grateful for that blessing.
I just wish I had the words to explain to you people how great I feel this day.
Even though, maybe you'd think I should feel down at how long it's been since I've seen him.
I am just so grateful that we made it!
There were countless days that I thought and even said aloud,
"I can't wait till it's been a year then we know it's been halfway"
And that day should be today but you know what?
It's not.
We still won't see each other for another 19 months, 18 if we are lucky.
But being at a year still feels amazing.
It really does.
Our email this week was one of my favorites.
We promised each other "great big big hugs at the airport in 18 months or so"
I am so unbelievably happy for that boy.
Happy one year to me today!
We can celebrate him tomorrow.
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