Real Life

So guys, remember that one time when I'm obsessed with Missionaries? You don't? You can read all about it here and here and probably a lot of other places in this blog. But I'm not going to find them all. Blog stalk me.
Anyway, I went to another farewell this weekend (What? I'm 19. Deal with it) for one of my good friends from High School.

During this farewell, well after when we were all just chatting around the chapel, I had an epiphany. It happened when I was talking to Taylor about how he wasn't coming to steal food from this boys house because he had an interview with the Stake President. 

When he asked why he said because I have to before I can go through the temple. 

WHOA!

THE TEMPLE!

Immediate train of thought....

GARMENTS!!

I freaked out. These boys have been through the temple. They know the secrets. They know what they are here for and they wear those secrets under their clothes everyday. 

They are wearing their covenants. 

Holy crap.

These boys that I went to school with a few months ago are wearing things I thought only adults wear.

Wait, Does that make us adults? Crap.

Anyway, it just blew my mind how much missionaries are so much more than just missionaries.

Then! As I'm getting ready to come back to Logan after my lovely weekend home, 

I get a phone call.

Rewind!

Remember when we had a lovely chat on Valentines Day that I bawled? 

You can read about that here.

Well I finally go the okay to share this wonderful news. Because he said if you didn't already know then you were a loser...

Remember this boy?

Oh yeah, How could you forget? That is all I talk about...

Well, He is about to become a Missionary.

Yeah. 

I know.

Mike, like THE Mike is preparing to serve a two year mission.

Yeah. 

Two years.

So his decision story is just the cutest, when he told me I lost it. Because of the amazing story but also because this subject may or may not have taken over my life. For a really long time, I was more than positive he would not be going. I mean I was sure of it. I was constantly talking about it with everyone.

 With Britt who has a missionary and what she would do in this situation.

 With her parents who are adopting me, I'm making them.

With Jenna who was such a sweetheart about it. She helped me so much.

With Lynds who deals with me when I break down and cry about it.

With my parents who would constantly give me crap for it being my fault.

With Jaron, before he left, with Brie and basically anyone who would ask or somewhat bring it up.

I was nervous okay? And I wanted him to go.

They tell you what to do if your boyfriend is going on a mission but they don't say anything about if he isn't.

You know why?

Because they tell you not to date them.

This is why it was such a big deal.

Was it my fault? Would things be different for him if I wasn't around? Should I say something? Will he ever decide? 

Boys, As much as it is pounded into your head that at 19, you serve a mission, it is pounded into the girls that you marry a Return Missionary.

And dating leads to Marriage. 

And Marriage is life's biggest decision.

So what the heck do I do?

Yeah. For the last semester of college, at least, this has been the majority of my conversations and thoughts. 

Now does it make sense why I love Missionaries? 

I was always thinking about it.

Now that has somewhat changed.

When Mike told me he was planning on serving a mission he said he wasn't planning on going for a while. 

So I didn't panic about that. 

Instead, I freaked out that all of those people who told me he wouldn't go, that I was the reason, I should say something, I should be a better example, I should break up with him, were wrong.

They were wrong.

It never actually set in that this meant that he would be leaving for two years.

Until today.

About that phone call earlier...

He called to tell me that the bishop gave him the okay to start his papers.

Holy crap.

Papers..

Call..

Temple..

GARMENTS!

yeah.

Then later, it set in that since 7th grade, 8 years ago, the longest I've gone without seeing him is one week. We may not have spoken for longer but I still saw him. He was still around.

This boy was about to leave for two years, I repeat, TWO. YEARS. and I was just realizing this.

But let me assure you that I am more than ecstatic for this boy. For everything in store for him. He bore his testimony today (and I missed it....) A patriarchal blessing, taking out his endowments, going through the actual temple, wearing garments, going somewhere- who knows where- for 2 years, teaching the truth, uniting families, saving others, and all those other things. Missionaries and so much more than missionaries.

But all of this is happening so fast. 

After the phone call, it started to set in. 

He was leaving.

What do I do?

Then I think, No Haley, This isn't about you. This is the right thing. This is good for him! You want this for him.

And I do, I really do. 

But this two years thing is.. daunting. 

I'll miss his stinkin' guts. 

Good land. 

I will miss him...

But I am so so excited for him. I love that he is excited. I love that he just can' t wait and that he wants to talk about it all the time. I love it. It's a new Mike.

When he told me and I finally could tell him how stressed I had been (I may have skipped how much I bugged me and how long it had.... :)) and just how big of a deal it was, I felt so much closer to him. I wasn't hiding anything from him anymore. All of that stress and fear was gone. 

Then while this whole process is starting I'm realizing how much I care about him.

How every time he hugs me I think about when I won't have that for 2 years.

When he holds my hand and I think about how that won't happen for 2 years.

When he quotes all those movies and I won't hear that for 2 years.

When he talks in those funny voices and calls me a knuckle head or something and I won't hear that for, You guessed it, 2 years.

Then I think about how amazing those 2 years will be for him.

How exciting it will be to write him letters for 2 years.

How amazing it will be when he is finally home after 2 years.

Then when I rewind when I realize he doesn't even have is call yet and how excited I am for his farewell, even though I'll bawl my bloody eyes out, how excited I am for him to go through the temple, to wear garments, to find out where he goes and more importantly for me, when...

That is the next step..

So Mike.... I'm proud of you. I'm proud of you for making this huge decision on your own. For WANTING to go. I'm proud of you for being excited and blessed to have this chance. I'm so excited for you to have this experience, to change peoples lives. You will be an INCREDIBLE missionary. INCREDIBLE. I'm not worried about that at all. You are too good at that kind of stuff. I would know. I'm anxious to see where God sends you and when you leave. I'm nervous to have to say goodbye to you for two years then to walk away and know that I can't plan on seeing you the next day or for a while after that... I'm so lucky to have a guy like you. One that continues to surprise me. That always spoils me. That treats me right. I love you to death and am so grateful that you are in my life in the huge way that you are. I'm even grateful that just thinking/writing about this made me cry, while I'm by myself. You changed my life so there is no doubt in my mind that you can do that for so many other people with the gospel. You are about to have an experience for a lifetime and I'm thrilled for you. I wish I could join you but this time, you get to do it alone. I'll be here, being boring, going to school and figuring out my life while you change others and I'm sure your own while you're at it. Thank you for everything and I mean everything you do for me. 

For simple things like opening my door every time we drive somewhere to spoiling me rotten with a new camera, CD's. gossip girl, jewelry,and a million other gifts. 

But mostly for being my best friend.

I couldn't have wished for anything more.

I'm so excited to see where this journey takes you and how it will affect you. 

Here's to the Journey.

I love you.