2012 Recap

January

I went to the Brad Paisley concert with this kid.

Also, my hair was black.

And I got a stye. I looked like this.

February

The whole family came to Logan to go to a basketball game and celebrate my birthday.

The two of us turned 19 and celebrated the last hour of it together.

We celebrated Valentines Day together, and Mike decided to serve a mission.

We all went to Crystal Hot Springs together as roommates

March

I went to the color festival with these fools and loved every second of it.

April

This guy got his mission call to Kennewick, Washington, leaving June 6th.

Me and this kid got stuck in the middle of now where for hours one day.

We knew we would laugh about it one day, we were so right.

May

Took finals, go ready to move home, had out last days in Logan and enjoyed the beginning of summer.

Counted down the final days with this cutie.

June

Said my goodbyes to this boy for two years. And started a whole new part of my life.

July

Had the family in town and spend a lot of time with them

Went to the Rodeo as tradition. I love me some cowboys.

Got to spend some much needed girl time with them. 

August

Spent a perfect week in Bear Lake with Ellen to celebrate her birthday and have a last hurrah before I headed back up to school.

September

Moved into the "Ghett" with these fantastic girls.

Found new best friends for the school year.

Went and MADE IT to Bloomington Lake, not to mention froze my butt off in that water.

Jenna visited Logan for her birthday and it was perfect.

October

My lovely sister got her mission call to Fort Worth, Texas

I went to my dream concert with this guy. Carrie Underwood and Hunter Hayes, baby.

November

My Best Friends got their mission calls. 

Both to Morristown, New Jersey. 

December

Went to Temple Square multiple times with different people and got ready for Christmas!

Had my sisters farewell and prepared for..

Her to actually leave. 18 months!

Celebrated Christmas home with these guys.

Happy New Years you guys!! 

I hope 2013 is everything you've ever wanted and more! 

2013 and Me

As I think about this upcoming New Year, 

I can't help but think about how lonely it could be.

Most, if not all of my close friends will be gone, 

All of this year.

This will be the year that I don't see any of my friends. (Besides the ones that are leaving in 2013 but all of those are before April.)

But still.

I won't see my best friends this year.

At All.

That is just a lonely thought.

So, I'm taking 2013.

I'm dedicating it to me.

It will be my year.

I will do the things I've always wanted to do.

I will take chances.

I will take risks.

I will work hard.

I will take me time.

I won't worry as much.

I will appreciate the small things.

I will discover new talents.

I will take adventures.

I will meet new people.

I will let myself be free.

I feel the pressure of this year mounting, as I get further along in school, in age (I will be 20 in a month! Ah!),  and since all my friends have their lives figured out since they all conveniently are going on a mission or getting married, I will figure out what I want.

I am going to remind myself that it is okay to stay home and just be with you.

I will learn to use my time wisely so I can be productive with free time.

I will challenge myself .

I will do things I've never done.

Why not?

And Why not now?

 

Yes, lets.

Music Speaks

"This isn't easy, This isn't clear... The confusion and the doubts you had walk away, when a heart breaks."

"Seems like everywhere you turn catastrophe reigns, but who really profits from the dying.

I could hold you forever."

"You are all that I need, for you I give my soul to keep"

"I need to be bold, need to jump in the cold water, need to grow older with a girl like you."

"When enemies are at your door, I'll carry you away from more... I'll share in your suffering to make you well... I'll love you long after your gone."

"I've seen the paths that your eyes wander down, I want to come too. I think that possibly, maybe I'm falling for you."

"If I can't have you, I'd rather be alone."

"Whatever it is you need, I pray I am."

Stupid Juice

Lets just say that sometimes you get a slap in the face.

Nothing life changing.

Nothing life altering either.

Just something to make you feel ridiculously stupid.

Enough that you can't stop thinking about it when in fact no one else is.

Does that make an event even relevant? 

I don't know.

But I will assure you.

Today I felt stupid.

Like Jr. High stupid.

When you do things because you are a girl.

You want attention.

Then you get the wrong attention.

Then feel stupid.

That is all I'm saying.

For the reason that I hope I forget this instance that happened today.

Hopefully I will one day not remember,

and this will not help me revisit.

Is there a word for vague blogging?

Like 

Vaguebooking.

or

#subtweet

Because if there is, go ahead and call me it.

It won't phase me.

I have already used up all my,

"Make yourself feel stupid" juice today.

Good Night.

When I wake up in the morning, this will probably be the first thing I think of.

Ring, Ring! Hear the Bells on Christmas Day!

Christmas has always meant presents, sibling sleepovers, early mornings, cinnamon rolls and Grandma Great smoothie, pajamas, movies, all with my family.

This year, I enjoyed learning how blessed I am to spend time with family.

But not just my family.

I was able to go over with the Free's and spend time with them on Christmas but you know what else?

I got to talk to my freaking favorite missionary in the world.

First, so I can get this in full detail really for me, we have to rewind to the day before.

Christmas Eve was supposed to be his P-day and that was when we would find out what time he was calling and even if he wanted me to be there. 

I checked my email all day and there was nothing.

All day.

Nothing.

So about 6:30 my phone rings with an unknown number but since iPhones are so handy it gives me a location.

I see the words,

Pasco, Washington

and my heart stopped,

my throat closed,

I started shaking,

I panicked.

I finally picked up the phone and swallowed as hard as I could and choked out a 

"Hello?"

I heard a Hello back to which I answered again,

"Hello?"

I paused for a minute because it didn't sound like him.

Who was this??

Then he says,

"Oh, it's so good to hear your voice."

I immediately freak and just say a very long, 

OH. MY. WORD.

Meantime, he is rattling something off about figuring things out and that I should stay by my phone.

I love you, Bye.

...

That was it. 

29 seconds.

What the crap just happened? 

That was really him! 

He is alive and he just called my phone!

The day goes on and I just assumed he would call back tomorrow and I'd talk to him then.

So the boys and I are getting into bed, (It's tradition in my family that all the kids sleep in one room on Christmas Eve) when my phone rings.

It's the same number from earlier that day but it was too late, it can't be him.

Also, not only 5 minutes before had I tried to save the number so I knew it was him but when I clicked it, my phone actually called it.

I was pretty sure that I ended it before it went through but they were calling me back so I freaked out.

I chose not to answer because I was terrified of who was on the other end.

Then I get a voice mail.

I push play and hear,

"You didn't answer, you've got to be kidding me. I'm calling back in a second. K, Bye."

It was him! Again!

So low and behold, he called back,

I answer very confused as to what is going on. 

He explains that since they didn't get time to email the families about times they were calling the next day, they were given permission to call Christmas Eve to set it up.

We chatted for a half an hour about our lives for the last 6 months and it just felt like nothing had changed.

I was so freaked out that it would be awkward and would just be too different but it felt so natural.

He told me about his mission, his companions, just everything.

He was also very proud of himself because he was folding laundry as we spoke.

He told me he'd be calling the next day at 11 our time and to talk to his mom about the details.

I couldn't sleep that night. I kept waking up, tossing and turning, thinking about what had just happened and what was going to happen in the morning.

We woke up at 7 as tradition goes, opened presents and I got spoiled with new clothes that I love. 

Also, to redecorate my room at school.

 I'm thrilled about that.

Then I got ready for the day and headed over to the Free's.

I was equally excited to see his nephew and niece since I hadn't since Mike left.

Is she the cutest or is she the cutest?

I got there and was almost immediately handed the phone.

He was able to Facetime which was so nice.

Big surprise [not] he looks the same! 

His family was also nice enough to let me go in another room so it wasn't weird or anything.

I was so very grateful for that.

We just talked.

I told him about my semester at school.

My sister leaving.

How I don't have a boyfriend.

And I am not engaged.

He told me about his companion.

What he does in a day.

He gave me a tour of his room and his decorations 

aka pictures of us.

We laughed so hard.

We smiled the whole time.

The whole experience was surreal. 

I love that boy. That is for sure. What I loved was that it felt more like just being best friends than dating. 

I've missed my best friend more then anything through this and it was so nice to have him back for a little bit. 

He is still hilarious and I forgot how easily he makes me laugh. 

He has the same personality and looks the same.

But what has changed is his attitude, his maturity level, his openness, his happiness.

That kid has grown so much. He is so much more adult like! 

He wasn't afraid to say anything, ask anything but in a different way then before.

He knew what was important and didn't try and change that.

And most importantly, he seemed so incredibly happy.

Literally with every word he smiled and just was so giddy.

I don't know what it is that specifically changed him.

But this mission was an amazing thing for him.

He is becoming a man.

The kid that has looked and almost acted the same since the day I met him when we were 12 was growing up!

He is amazing and he is so proud to be Senior Companion and a Trainer.

He loved to throw that in the conversation any chance he got. 

He deserves that though.

He is working hard and he is becoming converted.

Not that he wasn't before but I can see a significant change in just over 6 months.

I can't believe it's been that long, it seems like it was just yesterday that he called me from the airport.

We are almost 7 months down, that number just seems to finally be on the higher end.

That is more than half way to 12.

12 is a full year then it's only 1 more time around.

Unbelievable.

So while, yes, sometimes 2 years feels like a lifetime and basically impossible, 

once I look at the big picture I see that not only is it going by faster each day but that this is one of the greatest blessings in both of our lives.

We are both growing so much.

We are learning to trust each other more. 

He is just so grown up.

I am so proud of him and will never be able to express it fully to anyone, even him.

Missions are awesome.

Christmas is awesome.

Getting to talk to Elder Free is perfect.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

Sometimes..

Sometimes sisters go on missions.

Sometimes when sisters go on missions you get to go to the MTC.

Sometimes when you go to the MTC, it's your first time.

Sometimes when it's your first time at the MTC, you are in awe of how many missionaries are actually there.

Sometimes when you are in awe of missionaries, you realize your sister is one of them.

Sometimes when your sister is one of them, you have to wave goodbye from the window.

Sometimes when you wave goodbye from the window, the Elders watch. 

Sometimes when the Elders watch, you think about all your friends that did that.

Sometimes when you think of all your friends that did that, you are so proud.

Sometimes when you are so proud, you wonder what they go through in a day.

Sometimes when you wonder what they do in a day, you think about going to find out yourself.

Sometimes when you think about finding out for yourself, you question a lot of things.

Sometimes when you question a lot of things, life gets confusing.

Sometimes when life gets confusing, you realize all your best friends are on missions and there is no one to talk to.

Sometimes when there is no one to talk to, you sit quietly around the house.

Sometimes when you sit quietly in the house, your parents think you are depressed.

Sometimes when your parents think you are depressed, they question you and watch the Miss Universe pageant. 

Sometimes when you you watch the Miss Universe Pageant, you get really bored.

Sometimes when you get really bored, you wish your friends were here.

Sometimes when you wish your friends were here, you realize they all will be the Summer 2014.

Sometimes when you think about the summer of 2014, you wish it would come sooner.

Sometimes when you wish it would come sooner, you realize you just barely started waiting.

Sometimes when you just barely start waiting, you wish you didn't have to wait anymore.

Sometimes when you are wishing you didn't have to wait, you get lonely.

Sometimes when you get lonely, you realize that it's your sister first day in the MTC and she is probably lonely too.

Sometimes when you think about your sister in the MTC, you realize that it's ten and she is getting ready for bed.

Sometimes when you realize she is getting ready for bed, you kind of want to too.

Sometimes when you want to go to bed, you get on your computer.

Sometimes when you get on your computer, you watch tons of Wedding Videos.

Sometimes when you watch tons of wedding videos, you get very critical.

Sometimes when you get very critical, you wonder if your wedding will ever be good enough.

Sometimes when you wonder about your wedding, you remember that your not even engaged yet.

Sometimes when your not engaged yet, you decide it's a good idea to get on Pintrest.

Sometimes when you get on Pintrest, it gets boring.

Sometimes when it gets boring, you wish your sister was here to do something with.

Sometimes when you wish you could do something with your sister, you realize you can't for 18 months.

Sometimes when you think about 18 months, you know it will go so fast.

Sometimes when you think it will go fast, deep down you know it's still 18 months,

Sometimes when you know it's still 18 months, you realize that is a pretty long time.

Sometimes when it feels like a really long time, you wish you had a remedy to make it go faster.

Sometimes you wish you had a time machine, so your sister and friends would be back already.

Sometimes sisters go on missions.

Yes, it's true. She is officially in the mission field. It has felt a lot different than I thought it would. I definitely end up bored a lot more and I have a feeling it will only get worse. Hopefully my brothers want to have girl talk...
We got our first letter from her today and it was hilarious to watch my family get as giddy to get the first letter from her as I did from Mike. I knew exactly how they felt.
But for some reason I am so at peace with her being gone.
For lots of reasons I'm sure.
Because I've been preparing for this since May or June when she told us she was going.
Because she is family, and I know I will see her the second she gets home.
Because I am so happy for her that this is part of her plan, that she is one of the chosen to spread the gospel.
I think that is the most exciting part.

She will truly be an amazing missionary, there is no doubt in my mind.
She will be tested and tried but I know she will pull through and her true colors will shine.
She will have to come out of her shell, many times.
But she will do it and she will be incredible.
She is about to change peoples lives in Fort Worth Texas.
She will change our families lives here at home.
She will change her life as she devotes her time and energy all to the Lord.

I'll miss her but it so much easier positively knowing that she is where she is supposed to be.
Love you Mal!

Adieu, Adieu

Aren't we the cutest?

Guess what?

This girl had her farewell today!

It was a bittersweet day, but I will say I'm getting better at the whole thing.

I've had plenty of practice I guess.

She did a great job though! 

Seriously.

It is pretty surreal having your sister up there.

Honestly, I don't know what to think.

I still don't.

I'm numb about it.

Probably because I knew this was coming.

I would have been more surprised if she didn't decide to go on a mission, really.

So there was no surprise element.

But she is my only sister, and she leaves in 10 days.

And for 4 of those, I'll be in Logan for finals.

I will be home Thursday to celebrate my last 6 with her.

My mind literally cannot wrap my head around that thought.

I think, I've gotten a little taste of what it will be like without a sister since I'm in Logan and she's not,

but it is nothing to what it really will be.

So this is the beginning.

The beginning of a lot of lasts.

a lot of tears.

a lot of precious moments.

a lot of pictures.

a lot of hugs.

a lot of change.

But, I know that she will be back.

I would never what her to be anywhere but in Fort Worth for the next 18 months.

Seriously.

I am so freakin' happy for her.

She has been an amazing sister.

She has taught me so much.

And honestly, I don't think she even knows how much I do and have always looked up to her.

She is the oldest and has to do a lot of hard things first and most of the time, I just follow the lead.

She is a perfect example.

She is determined.

Smart.

Strong-willed.

The whole thing.

Her choosing to go on a mission has been one of the greatest examples to me.

Mallory is one of those people who knows what she believes and that will never change.

But she isn't one to strike up a conversation about it because she is just so excited about it.

Like Missionaries do.

But, things have changed lately. She is more open to her beliefs. She more openly stands up for what she knows to be true. 

She faithfully studies her scriptures and says her prayers every night.

By her just preparing to serve has been an example.

I can't imagine how much she will grow in Fort Worth.

She will be a great missionary.

Seriously.

I don't even have a hard time picturing it.

It's there.

It will be natural for her.

Yes, it will be a challenge. It will be a test of faith and of her testimony.

But it will prove that she can do hard things.

She has prepared for this.

She is ready to help spread the gospel to all the world.

Of that, I am sure.

I am also sure I will miss her stinkin' guts.

I don't know what I will do without a sister at home, or when I have to be the oldest and be the example to my brothers.

(Maybe I can take over the "favorite sister" role for a little??)

I'm sure I will have my days, as everyone waiting for missionaries to return do, but I am at peace having a sure knowledge that Fort Worth is where she is supposed to be.

Not at home.

Not at school.

Not at a phone calls reach.

Or at a sure place that I could talk with her.

But she will be doing something more important.

The gospel needs her more.

I am so grateful that I have a sister that is used as an instrument in the Lords hands in such a huge way.

"The field is white and [she] is ready to harvest it" 

Her farewell just was more proof of all of these things.

She did an amazing job and touched so many people already.

I can't wait to see what she can do in 18 months.

I love you so much sister.

Thank you for everything.

Rambles

Life.

What a weird thing.

Think about it.

SO many things happen, and change.

Things that change you.

That shape you.

That make you, you.

But most of the time you are completely oblivious to it all.

You don't know that the experiences you have could change your outlook on anything.

And everything.

I look back on things that have happened, even just last year, and how unbelievably different I am now.

How my situation is different.

My friends.

My relationship with my family.

My outlook on school.

My plans.

Just my life.

Is that not crazy?

I don't even know how it all happened. 

2012 has been a roller coaster.

I've had so many amazing adventures.

So many game changers.

So many moments that forced me to grow up.

I'm almost 20 

That thought just gives me butterflies.

I have 2 months left as a teenager,

2 more months until what most would say are 

"The best 10 years of your life"

Side note:

My mom was married and got pregnant when she was 20.

I cannot even imagine!

Again, it's amazing how things change. 

Life is amazing.

Great.

Marvelous.

Incredible.

[insert any descriptive adjective here]

But man, is it a wild ride.

But I am here for the ride, the journey.

I know that everything happen for a reason and I am happy about that.

But sometimes it is hard to see that reason,

and not ask why me?

Life is a mystery.

I ask myself everyday, 

What if you knew how everything was going to change you?

What if you knew what was in your future?

Would you still be the person you are?

What would you try to change?

What would you spend more time doing?

What would you give up?

What is amazing is that you won't ever be able to answer those questions.

At least not until they aren't future anymore.

Life is scary.

Daunting.

Nerve-wracking.

Challenging.
[insert any descriptive adjective here]

But man, is it the best.

To Bring the World his Truth

Introducing, my friends, that are about to join the Lords work in the mission field.

Sister Mallory Goaslind

Fort Worth, Texas

December 19, 2012

English Language

Sister Stephanie Burt

Little Rock, Arkansas

January 16 2013

English Language

Sister Lyndsey Daniels

Morristown, New Jersey

February 6, 2013

Spanish Language

Sister Kaydee Bair

Morristown, New Jersey

March 6, 2013

English Language

Elder Peter Lambson

Stockholm, Sweden

March 27 2013

Swedish Language

Elder Brandon Regehr

Sao Paulo, Brazil

April 3, 2013

Portuguese Language

I am so happy for these friends of mine. It is going to be an interesting two years for me. The good news is that I have to potential to get a lot of mail between now and then!