The post I never thought I'd write

Since I don't even know how to begin this, 

you should probably start here, where I freaked.

Also, these songs would make great background music as you read.

Missions.

What a weird concept. 

I love them. That should be obvious to everyone. 

But never in a million years would I have said I'd be serving one.

When the brethren changed the age so that I, as a 19 year old could now go, it shattered my world.
Literally, shattered. 

Up until that point, I was 110% sure I would not be going on a mission and so was everyone around me.

Mostly because I would have to wait to go at 21 and all my life I'd been told I'd be married by then.

And I really hoped I would be, I was planning on it.
Also because I had a plan for my life. I had everything pictured in my head and it was going to be perfect. That picture did not include a mission.
Ever.

So I thought about it after the announcement. 

I talked to so many people who really helped.

Joni, who reminded me that I didn't have to go and not to feel pressured.

Mal, who shared her decision story and how she received a "no" at first.

She promised I would know when and if I was to serve and reminded me of a certain someone who struggled with their decision as well.

Lynds and Kaydee who made the decision pretty easily and were very excited to be some of the first 19 year old girls out there. {Even if they are 20...}

Britt, who was in my same place of having absolutely no idea what to do.
Even my bishop.

Then of course I have watched so many people that I was very close with make the decision in the past. 

For some it was easy, for some it was not.

I was feeling for those that it was not easy for.

When I received what I viewed as a "no"and I put the idea away from me.

I continued to plan my life and get things ready to move forward here, at school.

However, the idea of a mission kept coming back up.

I let myself believe that it was because most of my best friends were going to serve or currently serving so of course the thought was returning and in fact had never left.

But then after much frustration I figured I better start asking again.

So I did, but still the same thing. 

I always found myself thinking that rather than it being a prompting to serve, it was me putting the idea in my own head.

I had many instances where this happened.

Reading mission blogs, reading scriptures, at the temple, all of it.

I would pray about it and the next day feel completely different and decide I wasn't going.
I absolutely hated this.
It was making me so frustrated.
So I figured that since I was having such negative feelings with it, it must not be for me.

It wasn't until I was in a rehearsal in Latter-day Voices where I got my prompting, this time for sure.

We were singing through the song "I Will"

{On the EFY CD- Be Thou an Example}

The lyrics were sung;

I've made my choice,

You can mark this day.

The day I pledge

to take His name.

I will be strong 

I will be brave

Standing for Him 

as I take my place.

I have felt his spirit burn truth in heart.

It's in my heart.

I will stand 

I will not fall

In a world that's weak 

I will be strong

I'll be true

I will choose His way 

I know whats right and I will not change.

In a world where so many will not.

I will.

I may be one,

but one becomes two.

When you stand with me, and I stand with you.

As we unite, our cause it great.

We're not just the candle,

we are the flame.

That's when it hit me.

It all made sense.

Music has always made more sense to me then words or feelings.

Because music is words and feelings in one.

I had such negative feelings about serving because I thought I wasn't supposed to go but that wasn't the case.
I was supposed to go.
The more I put it in my head that I was going, the happier I felt, I was more positive.
Terrified, but positive.

So there it was.

I was going on a mission.
I am going on a Mission.

Now don't get me wrong.

It was not just red carpet from there.

I freaked out.
Not the same as before.
Just because so much was about to change and I had little to no control over it.

Where was I going to go?

Japan? Hong Kong? Ghana? 

{That's my biggest fear. Seriously.}

Paris? England? Australia?

{I'm cursing myself by saying all of these, I know}

Would I be able to teach in a way that would convert people?

Could I even learn everything I needed to teach?

Companions, farewells, getting lost, different languages, being vulnerable, leaving so much later than my friends and worrying about those 6 months they would all be back while I was gone still. Or possibly longer than that.
All of those things took their place in my head constantly. 

Then I remind myself of all the things I am so happy about.

Getting to experience the MTC, to get my own "Dork Dot", the endless chocolate milk and cereal, getting to travel somewhere- Anywhere {scary and awesome}, getting to meet so many new people, sharing and spreading the gospel, being apart of the youngest group of sister missionaries in history.

What an amazing blessing.

I definitely take for granted the fact that I grew up in this gospel.

This life was handed to me.

I'm excited to show others what they could be experiencing.

Now keep in mind that I decided this the middle of January and have been keeping it a secret since then. 

The second I knew, I wanted to shout it from the mountain tops, but knew I should wait.

Wait until I was ready to share such an intimate thing that happened to me.
I received an answer to my prayers.
Not the answer I ever thought I would get but an answer for sure.
I put my trust in God as I repeated in my head over and over,
You are going on a mission.


I struggled with questioning and trusting in God's plan rather then my own.
I thought I knew better.
Also, I saw so many people make the decision to serve so quickly, for some, in my head, too quickly.
I didn't want to make the decision out of pressure,
out of boredom.
I had to be sure this was right.


I had actually planned on waiting longer to tell everyone then I did.
I had big plans to tell those around me.
To make sure to let the people who were apart my decision know first.
It didn't happen like that.
So if for some reason I didn't tell you personally, I apologize if this is how you found out.

I am going to serve a mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

For 18 months I will be Sister Goaslind.

I will carry Christ's name on my badge and be a representative of him 24 hours a day.

I will study hard, pray always, and draw closer to my Savior then I ever thought possible.
I am excited to be able to serve others but what I am really anxious for is the change that will happen in me as I put others ahead of me. 

I'm terrified for this whole new experience and it is slowly sinking in.

Slowly. Very slowly.

It is a daunting task. 

I really can't even believe that I get to do this.

The age change really was such an amazing thing for everything.

It is exactly what this world needs. 

I am very excited to be one of the thousands of missionaries on this earth spreading the gospel.

Wish me luck.

{Cue a million blog posts about my journey.}