10 Years Ago

On September 10th 2001, Grandma Dixie was diagnosed with Breast cancer,
the day before the terrorist attacks. (That's another post.)
On September 10th 2002,

Grandma Dixie left her earth life,

and went on to her heavenly life.

I was in 4th grade 

and this was the first person that was close to me that passed away.

I was 8 years old and really didn't understand everything about it.

Grandma Dixie had been diagnosed with breast cancer exactly a year earlier.

I still remember my mom's face when she got that phone call.

She left the family room so she wouldn't worry us,

but I followed her and eavesdropped on their conversation.

But even at the age of 8, I knew cancer was not a good thing and having it was the last thing anyone wanted.

Grandma immediately began treatment and I remember her being in the hospital a lot but I never really saw her there.

The one time I did, the first time I was in the hospital,

was the last time I saw Grandma Dixie.

She was very sick in her bed, hooked up to a million machines,

they were all beeping and monitoring.

Grandma looked a little scary to a 8 year old.

I remember my Dad telling me to give her a hug and a kiss on the check.

That made me so nervous.

Grandma was so sick, so fragile, and as far as I knew, she couldn't even feel it.

She was sleeping and not responsive at all.

I sheepishly kissed her check while mine flushed with embarrassment.

Thinking back on that day, even though I handled that with as much grace as a 8 year old could, I wish I would have take better advantage of that situation.

I can't believe it's been 10 years.

Being so young, I really didn't get to spend much time with Grandma,

however I feel blessed to be one of the oldest grandchildren and to have gotten the 8 years that I did. 

It is crazy to me that almost half of my cousins never met Grandma Dixie in this life.

There were only 9 Grandchildren then.

Now there are 5 more, with one on the way.

I love it when people compare me to my Grandma.

Whenever I would sing, someone would comment on how Grandma Dixie would be proud, or how it reminded them of her.

My mom told me that once, that my singing made her feel closer to her mother. I loved that, and will never forget that.

I can only imagine what it feels like to lose your mother when she is only 57, when you are only 34.

It makes me sick to think that would be me in 15 years.

I miss my Grandma and wish she was around here while I grew up.

The one thing that everyone always says was how great her advice always was. 

I wish I had that. 

I wish she was there to go to with anything.

I also can't wait to be able to sing with her in a choir of angels.

I've always wished I started singing earlier, just so I could sing with her.

Each year, my family participates in the Race for the Cure in her honor.

I love doing it.

I love that it is a way to get all together as a family.

We may not even talk about her.

But we all wear our shirts and remember her as we do it.

It's amazing how easily ten years just slips through your fingers and how easily it is to forget things that have happened. 

I wish I remembered Grandma Dix more often, that I knew more about her to know how she'd react to things. 

I do know that it will be one happy reunion when my time here is over.

I miss my Grandma everyday but I know for a fact that she is watching over me and my family and is with us in spirit each and everyday.

I love you Grandma.