Day 3

Your First Love


** Warning- This post is a cheese fest and I will take no crap from anyone about it because you have been warned.**

While I thought about things I loved when I was little, like my blanket, a stuffed animal, my dolls, bubble gum  or popsicles, I realized that for the first time since ever doing a thing like this, I had a person I could put. I'll bet you don't know who this person is? I'll show you.

                                               

Big surprise there huh? But it is true. He was and is my first love. Sure, I thought I loved some of my other flings because I was young and just assumed once you like someone for a certain amount of time, you just have to love them. That wasn't true. I figured that out when this boy came around. 

Now that I think about it, it happened fast. But then I realize that we never really decided when we were officially dating. So really I'm not sure how long it took. Plus, since I've grown up with him since I was 12 we skipped the get-to-know stage in dating because we already knew that. If I had to pick a date it would be WA senior year. I took him to that dance and the kiss goodnight really sealed the deal. But before that, it was known that we like each other and everyone kind of kept their distance. So I'm really not sure but we'll go with December 12th. 

Then I remember thinking "Do I love him? Really?" in mid to late January. So that was just over a month. I wasn't sure and I didn't know how to be sure but I was terrified of saying it. And feeling it. I always thought we were too young to be in love, we were 17 at this point. That is pretty young to be in love and I didn't want to be one of those dumb couples that everyone just secretly laughed at when they weren't around because we thought we were old and mature enough to be in love. 

It wasn't until Valentines Day that either of us said it though. To be honest, I knew he has always kind of liked me more then I liked him. I just took more convincing, that's it. So I figured if I was saying it then it was a given he did too. (Sorry Mike :)) Really I just knew he really cared about me, it was obvious. Everyone knew that. 

The two of us had gone to Park City on a whim. I said that I wanted to do something adventurous and just not think about it. So he just decided that we were going to Park City. I knew I'd get in some trouble with my parents later but I figure it was doing no harm and I would just go. He said "there is something I want to show you." We drove up this big hill and he parked and got out. I was pretty confused. We walked through the snow and wilderness and ended up on the top of a huge cement water storage bin. I stopped and looked out. The view was gorgeous. All the lights were on and main street was all lit up. 

It was cold and windy but for once I didn't care. This was like from a movie. Mike knew that too. He actually said that to me and was pretty proud of how this Valentines date was turning out. We sat there and took in the sights and just thought. I could kind of see he was fidgety. He was very anxious to get up and go but I was perfectly fine just sitting there. But I obliged. I got up and thought we were just going to leave. He quickly pulled me in and gave me a hug and we just stood there for a minute. Then he finally said something.

"So, since today is love day..."

My heart was racing. I knew what was coming. Was I ready to say this to him? I just stopped and looked at him and smiled. Out of reflex, I kissed him thinking maybe I could get out of actually saying it but still giving him the peace of mind. I asked if that answered his question. He quickly said, I haven't even asked it yet! So on he went...

"Do you love me?"

I nodded and just looked at him. He had the biggest smile on his face and he just grabbed me in the biggest hug. He was one giddy kid. It was pretty funny now that I think about it.

He knew how I felt about saying this so he knew it was a big deal. Then he asked,

"So now if I say it too you won't freak out?"

Never did I even ask him if he loved me so when he said that I realized and I just out of no where my answer was, 

"I love you too."

He just looked at me like I was an idiot. 

He figured out that I was in a panic. But I didn't care. He just gave me a hug and we starred at all the lights that now meant so much more. 

We walked back down through the snow just like normal but my mind was racing. We drove to dinner and it started to set in. It was a great day.

After breaking up with him I decided that I really didn't love him or that I didn't as much as I thought. That may have been true but I still loved him. I didn't realize then that love is never the same. You will always love them sometimes more then other times but maybe sometimes you won't like them. Or like what their choices are. 

I would have never guessed that I could love him as much as I do now, just by getting to know him more through school and putting us in a whole new situation. We really relied on each other and grew to appreciate each other a lot more. 

So yeah, I'm 19 and I'm in love. Say what you want but I am. 

Young, dumb, and in love. 

(Mat Kearney anyone?)

I don't know what I would do without this boy. He is my world. If you haven't noticed... He would do anything for me and I truly know that. He is the most amazing person. He has changed so much since we've met. Like SOO much. It's amazing. I love it when people say that to me. They would say that to me so much especially when he was getting closer to leaving. It was amazing. People would be blown away if they read his letters now. You would never believe it was the same kid. He changed the way I see everything and really has made me a better person. He's the best and I can't believe he is going to be gone for 710 more days. (Except that countdown goes down pretty fast!)  I miss him everyday but I know he is doing the right thing.